Preface/Warning (in honor of Becca and for the courtesy of any potential readers) This post got lengthy... :)
I recently read the book "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. It came HIGHLY recommended by several friends (By the way, thanks again Bex and Nan!) and they were SO right! This book instantly sucked me in and I read the entire thing in about 2 days. It was one of those books that makes you laugh, cry, get mad and then leaves you with a grand smile on your face. What an awesome retelling of the book of Hosea. It was truly inspirational and humbling to see how one man trusted God's plan so fully and without question even though he knew it would cause him heartache and frustration. He trusted in God and knew that as crazy as it seemed it would be one of the greatest blessings in his life and he was right. It makes you really stop and think about your own plans and if they are simply selfish goals or if they are what God would want for your life. This book along with the current bible study I am doing (Jonah: The Interrupted Life by Priscilla Shirer) has got me re-examining several things and I am here to tell ya - it's hard! Sometimes I really think I go through life in a bubble doing my own thing - what I think is best (insert eye roll here) and never stopping to consider if this is what God would want or does want for me and my life.
When I feel drawn to an idea or plan I often question whether I am truly hearing God or if it is just wishful thinking because that is what I want. Let me also say discernment is NOT my spiritual gift. If God is going to send me a message it needs to be in the form of something VERY obvious. I like to think that He needs to just come down and thump me on the forehead like they did to the people on those v8 commercials (y'all remember those?). And in my life I am happy to say that I am confident about many things where I know God gave me the "thump" to send me in the right direction. And those have not all been pleasant experiences for me to go through but in hidsight (cause we all know that its 20/20) I can 100% see how the Lord was putting me exactly where He wanted me to be.
Right now I feel like I'm in a spiritual rut. Clark and I are part time attendees at Porter Memorial Baptist in Lexington (which I love the church and I feel convicted and moved every time I go there, but can't quite seem to make myself commit - again, is that God or me?!?! - or worse, Satan...) and getting involved as an adult seems so much more difficult than the days of youth group when I was at church every time the doors were open. Also, right now my life doesn't feel very interrupted as Priscilla Shirer is talking about in the bible study. It's going really well. I don't feel like God is calling me to do something I don't want to do, but since discernment isn't my thing maybe I am just missing it completely? I don't know... which is frustrating and makes me worry that I am not listening to God the way I should be. I feel like I have a thousand worries and questions and I am not satisfied with the lack of answers.
In the meantime the only thing I feel like I can do is pray, be open to whatever plans God has for me, thank Him EVERY day for the blessings He has given me in my life this far...and wait for the "thump".
